Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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