In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
