Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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