Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
