You made me cry and you don't even care
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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