how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
do nipples grow back?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
