Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Send help, water and tortillas.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
