I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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