goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
