dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
