we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
