you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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