Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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