worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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