she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
