I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
