I'm going to jail i love you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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