I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
