the new term for farting is butt boxing.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
