so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
