So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
