I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
