Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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