he wants to bone in the snuggie
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
