My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
