Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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