I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
