addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
