There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
