Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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