the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's the barista slut.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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