operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
