I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
