the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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