Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
vagina is talking i cant
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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