hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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