i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want her autograph on my taint
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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