Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
