how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
