and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize