You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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