yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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