babies were throwing up all over the place
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
