I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
