does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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