I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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