Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
