it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
