I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
there is puke in my bra ... again
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