i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
