You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
