My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
