Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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