Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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