YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
