No stitches, just platelets and will power
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
