dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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