I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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