I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
