Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
