Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
