You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you had me at cake vodka
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
