I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
