I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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