My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
