like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
