how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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