dude i'm inner monologue high
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
