I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
