well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
