Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
