What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
