The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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