If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your cock deserves a montage
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
