oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
